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How to spot a fake programmer

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  • uses Comic Sans as the default font in their programming IDE
  • tells their boss that they can’t possibly start using a new language without at least 3 formal, week-long training classes and a certification under their belt
  • claims to be a master of a new language after completing 3 weeks of training and obtaining a certification
  • when there’s a problem with their code, says “Gosh, I found that routine on the Internet. I can’t believe it doesn’t work. Let me post a question to a couple forums and see if I can get it fixed.”
  • when asked if they know Java, says “Yeah, I grab stuff from Javascript.com all the time. I can do Java.”
  • can’t write a batch file/shell script on their primary OS
  • gets a blank look on their face when you mention that they might want to break their 3,000 line main routine into multiple functions or methods
  • has never accidentally crashed another program with their code
  • continues to crash other programs with their code
  • doesn’t own any programming books other than software manuals
  • has any computer book that ends in the words “for Dummies” visible on their bookshelf
  • doesn’t know what “RTFM” means
  • doesn’t understand this list

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